"I HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU WOULD BE SO AFFECTED."

'My dear Watson,' said the well-remembered voice, 'I owe you a thousand apologies. I had no idea that you would be so affected.'

I've often marveled at some of the words Arthur Conan Doyle put into Sherlock Holmes's mouth at the time of the revelation of Holmes being alive in "The Adventure of the Empty House", especially "I had no idea you would be so affected."

In the past, when rereading the story, I would generally shout at the book at that point. "What do you mean that you had no idea he would be so affected?" I would ask the unresponsive book. "Of course he is greatly affected. His best friend has returned from the dead, materializing right before his eyes. Come on, Doyle, get a grip. Yes, Sherlock Holmes owes Dr. Watson a thousand apologies, and so do you." Silly to talk to the book, or the long departed author, or myself, really, but I imagine serious readers understand the situation.

Now, many years on from those initial reads, I find new meaning in the upon-the-return-of-Sherlock-Holmes-words. I've come to believe Doyle was talking to his readers: "I had no idea you would be so affected." The well documented response of his readers to Holmes's "death" and "resurrection" made clear to Doyle what Holmes meant to them. I think Doyle's statement actually goes a little further. Perhaps Doyle was talking to himself. Maybe in his weariness with the public's clamor for more and more Holmes, he temporarily lost sight of what Holmes meant to him, how Holmes affected him. 

Certainly his statements about Holmes mellowed over the years, from the stark weariness to the quiet affection stated in Memories & Adventures, "I do not wish to be ungrateful to Holmes, who has been a good friend to me in many ways." The Holmes and Watson friendship of the canon, the heartbeat of the thing, makes it evident Doyle understood the value of true friendship.

Those of us who always find comfort in the Holmes and Watson friendship can imagine Watson's devastation, and feel it over and over when we read "The Final Problem." We value their friendship in ways that can be difficult to explain to other people—people who don't understand how a paper friendship can mean so much to us. I suppose it is one of those things that either you get it, or you don't. 

I hear time and time again that it is the Holmes and Watson friendship that brings people into the world of Sherlockiana and keeps them there. We are affected by it. We are also strongly affected by the friendships we form in real life as a result of Holmes and Watson.

I've felt the two sides of Sherlockian friendship this week: the joyful, planning for the camaraderie of the January birthday celebration, and the devastating, learning that one of my oldest and dearest Sherlockian friends is gravely ill. Diagnosis and prognosis are dire. My friend is a lot like Watson. They are kind, generous, loyal, intelligent, well-read, artistic and funny in a quiet way. 

A grand Sherlockian, they know London, always answering questions for me.We talk a lot about maps. We have so little time left. I can hear the roar of the abyss.

I understand Watson's feelings when that small square of paper fluttered to the ground. He deserved a thousand apologies for what was taken from him. So does my friend.